Feeling vulnerable

It is quite an curious experience to be “out there”, published, with people reading my words!

I have always loved being on stage, loved sharing my dancing and joy with an audience, loved sharing that part of myself. I have sometimes had to see a different side of this performance journey with my students and guide them through feeling vulnerable in sharing so much of themselves, but I have never had that experience with my own dancing!

Now, my words, my book….I’m finding to be very different… I have observed myself, my feelings and my reactions with curiosity… and I am discovering how hard I actually find being in the spotlight! Don’t get me wrong – I am so appreciative of all the support, loving words, and compliments that I am receiving, and to the overwhelming response to my book being released and people wanting to buy and read it – I feel very honoured.

It’s just interesting that I find myself, catching my breath at moments, and feeling utterly vulnerable’- “Oh my God, they are reading my words!”. I have shared some of the deepest parts of me in my writing – and it is a very different sensation to sharing my dancing! I find myself changing the subject of conversation back on to the person who is congratulating me on my book, and asking more about their life, while my heart flutters furiously!

Yes, a part of me does think about whether or not people will “like my book”, “understand my book”, “if my book will help them as it is intended to do”…. of course I’d like people to like it, but I know that the people who need dance healing will find my book at the right time for them. And I do plan to follow Elizabeth Gilbert’s advice in her book “Big Magic” and not take on any negative reviews!

A wise friend told me that I should see my words as having healing powers, same as my dancing and the healing massage and breathwork that I have facilitated with my hands… I have always known and believed completely that the message of dance healing in my book is powerful,  but it is interesting viewing it from the perspective of my words being a healing tool…. wise advice!

As much as I am proud of myself for writing this book, I still need to observe, experience and dance with these feelings of vulnerability!

What an exciting dance-journey we are on, just when we have healed one aspect of ourselves –  life brings us interesting emotions to make us look deep into our souls and to keep dancing, and keep healing….the exciting dance never ends….